We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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