Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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