Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
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He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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