Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
