I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
