Is it because I queefed?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
