this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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