Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
