you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
