I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
