And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize