how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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