so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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