is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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