I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
