Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
