this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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