There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I intend to get homeless drunk
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
