I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
