I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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