Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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