Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
