remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
