my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
