i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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