just tell him i said nine months
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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