Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
