did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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