Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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