Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
