I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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