I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
