I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i dont even know how to be here
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
