it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
