We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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