my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
