i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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