I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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