Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
