If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
