Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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