maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize