Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
