I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
