I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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