i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize