How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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