Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
