im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
