I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
