with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
