like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
