I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
