tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
