he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
as a side note pls kill me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
