you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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