you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
