your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
