sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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