My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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