He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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