well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
