I want to make a zoo with you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
