i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
