Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Apparently you make a good broom.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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