Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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