I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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