So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
