My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
