I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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