why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
