that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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