He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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