I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
