If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I need to calm my uterus...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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