trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
