I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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